Caring for Aging Parents

For the past two years, I’ve been the primary caregiver for my 94-year-old mom.  The experience has been both challenging and—unexpectedly—rewarding. Everyone’s journey looks different, but there are common threads. Caring for aging parents requires planning, flexibility, compassion, and a strong support system. Here are a few lessons that I’ve learned that may help guide you on your own path.

Be Ready for the Unexpected

Aging often unfolds gradually, but it can be punctuated by sudden crises.  The middle-of-the-night phone call might never come—but if it does, having the right structures in place makes a world of difference:

• Finances: Set up a power of attorney (POA) and ensure that a trusted person can access accounts to pay bills. When my mom had a stroke, the fact that I was a signer on her checking account was invaluable.
• Conversations: Talk early about your parents’ hopes and preferences. Encourage your parents to tour potential residences in advance, without committing to anything. Their impressions can be crucial if you later need to make decisions on their behalf.

Download our Checklist of Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents here.

Share the Load with Siblings

For only children, caregiving can feel overwhelming.  With siblings, it can be complicated in different ways.  Designating one sibling as the primary caregiver can help streamline communication and decision-making. Others can take on roles—such as finances, appointments, and emotional support—to reduce conflict and overlap. Stressful times call for kindness and gratitude; remember that each sibling processes this experience differently.

Support Independence

Encourage exercise, hobbies, and social ties—habits proven to extend brain health. Simple home modifications (like grab bars, shower benches, or toilet seat risers) can keep them safe longer. Part-time home caregivers can perform light housework, prepare meals and provide an extra dose of socializing, as well as easing the workload and providing a bridge before assisted living becomes necessary.

Managing the Transition

“Transition Trauma” is real!  Moving into assisted living or memory care is often jarring, and it can take months before the new place feels familiar. You can help by:

• Involving your parent in the decision as much as possible.
• Timing the move for your parent’s “best part of the day,” which varies from person to person.
• Visiting frequently in the early weeks—even short visits can reassure and ground them.
• Communicating openly with facility staff. If you notice your parent struggling, ask for help and updates; staff have seen this many times and can offer support and tips.

Though the adjustment can be tough, it means greater safety—and ultimately more meaningful time together.

A Few Practical Lessons

• Urgent Care/Emergency Rooms: Emergency rooms are busier than ever! If the issue isn’t dire, urgent care clinics can provide quicker access to a doctor. Consider arranging concierge health services to manage most medical needs without visiting a busy waiting room.
• UTIs: In older adults, sudden confusion often signals a urinary tract infection. UTIs are common, sometimes presenting as unusual or even bizarre behavior. If your loved one suddenly starts acting delirious, consider having them checked for a UTI. The good news is that treatment usually resolves the symptoms quickly.
• Driving: Handing over the car keys is rarely easy. Occupational therapists can provide a neutral evaluation related to safe driving.  The results go only to the family, offering independent input for a tough conversation.
• Dementia care: Here are a few insights I’ve gained with the help of a behavioral therapist:
  • People with dementia can still learn and retain some things. Their past and present may blur together, and some days will be better than others.  Looking for bright spots helps keep both of you positive.
  • It’s okay to bend the truth to spare your family member pain. If they ask about a long-deceased loved one, saying “they stepped out for a bit” can be kinder than repeating the loss.
  • Too many family photos can actually heighten anxiety if they feel pressured to remember everyone. Simplifying décor can make the space calmer.
  • Keep a guestbook in their room. Visitors can leave notes, and you can show your parent later as proof of connection and care.

Final Thoughts

Caring for aging parents inevitably teaches you as much about yourself as it does about them. The best advice I can give is to stay flexible, keep trying, give yourself a break, and ask for help. There is a mountain of resources available—many of which I’ve listed below. Most importantly, know that even in hard moments, you can help your loved one find small joys each day.

Additional Resources

• What to Ask Your Aging Parents Checklist
• A Place for Mom: A free service to help you find a senior living community for your loved one
• AARP Caregiver Resources
• AARP Family Caregiving Topics
• Adult Children of Aging Parents: A nonprofit community offering educational programs, resources, and support
• CaringInfo: Information about care and services
• Family Caregiver Alliance: Information on caregiving topics and strategies for caregivers
• Find your local area agency on aging (a state designated agency that addresses the needs and concerns of all older persons in a regional or local area) by visiting this Eldercare Locator.
• AgingCare Caregiver Forum: A forum to discuss caregiving topics and issues

CFA® and Chartered Financial Analyst® are registered trademarks owned by CFA Institute.